The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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