everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
