I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
