Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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