Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Randomize
