My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is Oprah even human
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
