i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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