? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
