I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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