But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
