this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
