and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I understand Curling. That high.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
