well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
