It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
