After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
