i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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