If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
