it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
