Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
