And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
