we're chasing vodka with high fives
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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