She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
there was a trapeze. enough said
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
