Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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