so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I still have a little drunk in my system
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it