I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Good thing I've started drinking again