what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino