ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
