I like to think it a success when the cops are called
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
