i can't believe i had my finger in that
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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