I'm gonna have a badass scar
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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