don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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