brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I pour the whiskey from now on
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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