I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
