that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
