Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
