I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
