So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
