I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
