I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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