Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
