well I can't set my house on fire every night
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
