No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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