You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
