i jhust puked up my retainher.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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