Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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