Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
