my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
