In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
