The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
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your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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