porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
