i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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