ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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