I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
