I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
