dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
