you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
