I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She bit a glass in half.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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