God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
