I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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