Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize