Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
