remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
