all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
