Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
