ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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