girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
