I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sobbing to NWA
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize