I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
worst night to have a conscience
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude