She said her name was "party"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED