he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Randomize
